Soul-centric Vision
My name is John R. Gork (“J.R.” is my nickname) and I have a soul-centric vision of service. I graduated from East Grand Rapids high school in Michigan and Wittenberg University with a degree in Art and Business. After some reflection, I decided against pursuing a career in Art and instead pursued a more practical career. I have worked in the financial services industry for 34 years. I am married to Martha and we have two children; each from our respective previous marriage. Our meeting is a great story for another day.
Early Life: God was in the shadows
I was born in 1961 and I am the 3rd child out of 6. I was raised in a Christian home; I am a cradle Episcopalian. We attended church weekly. However, the relatively affluent community where I was raised inadvertently marginalized the idea of having faith in God and letting Him direct your journey. Instead, it was more of an egocentric environment, where self-reliance was how you made it in life; pursuit of wealth is what would assure your future financial security, peace, and happiness. In my heart of hearts, this didn’t work for me. While I enjoyed the nice things and privileges, I sensed the emptiness of it. I craved a more soul-centric vision and environment. However, I found a peaceful place at my grandmother’s house. Her faith was strong and that made her a joy to be around. She taught me to play cribbage and this became a weekly routine. Our meaningful and faith-rooted conversations were very impactful and instructional to me. A seed had been planted.
A second place where I found a real sense of peace was walking the dogs with my dad. I can’t say when this started, I can only say that it evolved into a nightly ritual that we both came to view as sacred. It was a time when any subject was fair game. For my Dad, it was often a reflection on some economic analysis or insightful reflection on a topic of the day. For me, I was seeking some relief from the struggles of growing up with four demanding sisters and an aloof younger brother; generally just surviving the struggles of adolescence. But it was also a time of philosophical reflection and a safe place to dream. My dad was relatively patient in these conversations, even though many of my topics were reoccurring themes. Nonetheless, I came to know well how my dad thought and how he approached problems. Little did I know that our nightly walks, full of spirited conversations, would prove to be invaluable; not only to me but to my siblings as well. My relationship with my dad was unique and very special.
I learned differently than most. As such, I struggled in school. Growing up in an environment where academic excellence was idolized, this was a source of anxiety. Thus, I would need to discover another way. Art was one area where I could feel successful. My drawing ability was discovered during elementary school. But, unfortunately, while art was an area that I excelled, felt successful, and at peace, it really didn’t generate a lasting impact. How do you make a living as an artist?
Younglife was introduced to me my Sophomore year of high school. It was a very impactful experience. I remember the counselor at Saranac Lake, a Younglife Camp in upstate New York, sharing the importance of reading the Bible and developing a regular prayer time. I heard that it is important to grow in my relationship with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. This idea resonated. The Trinity was the source of my strength and holding me together; I just didn’t realize it at the time.
Wittenberg University was a fresh start for me. I knew I had to succeed academically and would need to find a group to connect with. I was on a quest for a place of excellence, Phi Gamma Delta (Fiji) fit the mold. College was an important part of my life. Many lessons were learned. There were many great friends and times of fellowship. Mostly good, but many humbling experiences too. But, unfortunately, it was not an environment that cultivated much growth in my faith in God and a soul-centric vision. That was yet to come.
In 1982, looking for something interesting to draw, I focused my attention on Fiji house. The drawing that I completed caught the attention of the chapter president and the drawing became the center of the 100th anniversary of Sigma Chapter in 1984. This resulted in prints being made of the fraternity, mugs, t-shirts…the drawing really struck a chord. Upon graduation, I gave the remaining prints to the fraternity with the idea that they would give them to the graduates upon graduation. 34 years later and three re-printings, that is still happening to this day. This experience is more evidence that my artistic talent should be further developed and be a more central part of my life. A soul-centric vision of how God works for me, in me, and through me.
Graduation from college was a time of obvious celebration, but it was also a time of inner anxiety. The education was complete, but now what? Should I go into art or business? So, I decided that I would plan a trip to see my uncle Bill Logan who was an artist and who had an art studio in New York City. I figured that Uncle Bill could offer some insight. It was a wonderful trip. A very memorable experience visiting their home in Wilton, Connecticut. Then we commuted to New York City the next day and had an adventurous midnight walk through Time Square as well. When it finally came time to review my artwork, Uncle Bill admitted that I was good enough to pursue a career in art. But, he would not suggest that I do that. Instead, he believed that I would be better served using my business degree to find a career that offered a wage that I could use to raise a family. He said that at some point in the future, when the kids are grown, then turn back to the art and pursue it with passion. So, this is the idea that I have pursued for 34 years. Now the creative desire continues to grow. How do I make the transition from the business world into the creative world? Uncle Bill, unfortunately, died several years ago. My sense is that this is more of a spiritual question than a career transition question. An answer found in prayer, Bible study, fellowship and simple faith in God.
Circuitous Journey to Faith
In the late 1980’s, I started attending Christ Episcopal Church in downtown Cincinnati. I was intrigued by the sermons of the Rector and scheduled a meeting with him. I had been struggling with the desire to truly serve people and not just sell products to those who could most afford them. We engaged in a very introspective conversation that resulted in him sharing with me that he believed that I had a genuine call to ministry. I was flattered by this and yet very fearful. What would this mean for my future financial security? As much as I struggled with the egocentric environment that I was stuck in, transitioning to a soul-centric vision for life was very much unchartered territory for me. I simply didn’t have the courage to make such a significant change. But, fundamental questions continued to loom; what is my real purpose in this life? How do I incorporate my creativity into the center of my life?
September 1st, 1989, the date of my dad’s sudden death at age 62, is the defining moment in my life. This was the day that I knew that I needed God at the center of my life. In a mere moment, I was transported from a budding young person, soul-searching in a very secular business culture of trailblazing and surviving. The mission now was much less self-centered; the focus was now helping my mother and siblings navigate through an emotionally turbulent and disruptive time.
The void left following my dad’s death was huge. It was going to take years for us to work through the grief; not having the opportunity to thank dad for all the blessings and continue to get much-needed advice was tough. But, the reality was that my dad was dead, and I was on my own. A week after his death, I needed to get back to work. I reached out to the pastor at the church for help. He understood what I was going through. He said a prayer and then shared a story:
“Imagine a rose bush and a gardener who is charged with caring for it. This plant has a beautiful rose in full bloom and many buds and various stages of blooming. As you know, a rose plant puts all its energy into the fully bloomed rose. Thus, the prudent gardener must carefully clip this beautiful rose and with pride display it in a special vase for all to admire its beauty. Now, the plant is shocked by this, but over time it adapts and redirects its energy on helping the emerging buds. That rose was your dad; God is the gardener; the buds are you and the rest of your family. I know that the gardener could use some help caring for this rose bush. Do you think that you could help?”
That story resonated; my conversations with my grandmother were resonating. I accepted the challenge that day to serve God by serving my family. Over the years, this call has extended to my work and community. The call to help people blossom continues to guide me to this day.
Soul-centric Vision for the Future
My vision is to combine my creative/ artistic side with my business/ practical side to help people live more purposefully, leading less egocentric and more soul-centric lives. To help, I have created a Blog: www.soul-centric.com where I intend to share weekly reflections on this journey. I also have begun taking classes here at Christian Leaders Institute. God continues to open doors and lead me every day.
Learn about minister ordinations with Christian Leaders Alliance.
Pastoring Dream
Read how God brought this woman through horrific trauma and gave her a pastoring dream:
I was born in early June of 1989 to a woman who had multiple drug problems; mental problems; and no ability to raise children. Her problems were so severe that although I was born normal: my sister was born with debilitating mental problems and a heart murmur, and my brother was born with physical disabilities that didn’t allow him to live past his 20s. My brother and I were abused on a daily basis by her various lovers, in every way you could imagine and more. We were starved, left places, sexually, physically, and emotionally abused, etc. Both of us protected our baby sister. Due to her defects, we knew that she would not survive the abuse, so we took it for her.
This went on for five years. Finally, the state took us and we went through a slew of foster homes. There we saw parents that wanted children, just not us. They tried to separate us until my sister nearly starved herself to death. She suffers from an eating disorder to this day.
Needless to say by the time we were finally adopted, I had lost much of my faith in human beings. I had seen many things that no child my age should have seen. I’ve always believed in God even before He gave me my pastoring dream. I’ve never questioned His existence. The first half of my life didn’t allow for it. I remain firmly convinced that He intervened in my life many times, to allow me to live. When our adopted mother took us in, we finally saw a good life. Then in 2001, she was murdered right in front of me by the man I called my father. This ended with a court case and a traumatizing murder trial.
At that point, I began to question everything. We moved in with my grandparents who were strict disciplinarians, raised in a different time, where children did not speak unless spoken to. I retreated into books and church just to avoid being home too much. I use the word “home” loosely as I doubt very much that any of these places were home. I felt something was missing.
I always made good grades in school, often at a genius level. I excelled in my studies in all subjects. My social graces, however, were lacking. They said that I had discipline problems and didn’t know how to talk to people. I had to see counselors and was constantly barraged by violent nightmares and episodes. I was labeled a “psycho”, and due to this I’m ashamed to say, I fell away from God. I dabbled in drugs, hung out with horrible people, and mostly made a mockery of all the gifts God gave me. Finally, though, I woke up. I came back to God to get my life together and became the mother of two beautiful children, a son and a daughter; as well as two wonderful stepsons, all of whom live with me.
Three months before I found Christian Leaders Institute, I had a vivid pastoring dream. One in which everything was life-like and beautiful. I was a pastor, sharing my story. Some of my family were there. There were only so many things I could remember from my pastoring dream when I woke up. Once I did wake up, I could not get this passion for the Bible and becoming a pastor out of me. So, I started looking around. I had no money. I’m a woman. I have two young children and two school-aged ones. The odds seem stacked against me. I know, however, that this is what God wants of me and He will provide a way. He provided CLI.
My dream is to bring God to people just like me. People who have been abused to the point of giving up. People who have lived through the hard knocks of life. People that need to know that God is there. And to people that know God is there, but need to know that He cares about them personally. So that’s my story. Thanks for reading and God bless!
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This man’s pastor call journey from darkness “into God’s Hands” tells a compelling story:
My name is Robert Daniel Kelly and I have been on a pastor call journey. I live in the United States of America. I believed in Jesus Christ when I was just a child of about four. I remember Jesus as a loving and kind man. Jesus loves all the children, right? And I remember the song Jesus loves me from when I was a child too. I was not raised in the church, though. I remember going to church a few times. We didn’t really pray or read the Bible that I can remember.
I never knew my biological dad, and the man I called dad when I was small was my little brother’s father. He relapsed on drugs and stole my little brother away to Alaska, so my mom took the rest of us (my older brother, my twin brother and me) to Alaska to get him back. We got back together with him for a short time, then he left and it was my mom and us 4 boys. There were alcohol and drug usage in the home, but we older three brothers would go exploring and playing a lot and had a lot of fun and adventures. We really didn’t have any discipline in our lives and were left to ourselves most of the time, so we started getting into trouble. We got older and also got into drugs and more trouble. All 3 of us older boys were in juvenile detention and institutionalized. I was sent to a bunch of rehab places and institutionalized twice.
When I was 18, I was going the opposite way from seeking God. I was even reading a witchcraft book. Then the book said Jesus was just an adept wizard and I was offended. I think I even spoke out loud and said: “No, He wasn’t! He was the Son of God.” God heard that and started to change my life and start me on my pastor call journey. My twin brother said he talked to God on an acid trip and started reading the Bible some, so I opened it randomly to see what it had to say. I opened to Acts 1:9 and it was telling how Jesus was lifted up from the earth and hidden by a cloud. I actually went through the trailer we were living in telling people that Jesus is alive and He’s out there somewhere. I also started finding tracts about Jesus and salvation. So I know the reality can bear fruit.
Now I was a believer, not just in a loving and kind man from the Bible that was the Son of God, but also in the risen Lord. I still didn’t know how to live as a Christian and was still living in sin. I was doing drugs and going through some interesting things. When I was 19, I was reading the Bible and saw that it was telling me to be baptized. I still wasn’t going to church but God was teaching me to repent of my sins, and I wanted to obey what He was telling me to do. I made an agreement with God that I would go to the church that baptized me. When I went in and asked about it, instead of saying we can do that at some later time, I was baptized right then on a Thursday, January 23, and I went to that same church for about 3 years.
God changed my life from a rebellious and foolish young man to a Christian man that wants to do God’s will. I wish I could say that since I became a Christian I have been perfect ever since. Unfortunately, I have made many mistakes along the way. I’m 40 now and have worked a lot of different jobs.
Now I believe God wants me to preach and I want to preach. So I plan on getting my bachelor’s degree in ministry, and I hope that will help me to get a position as a preacher somewhere. I believe God is blessing me in this direction and I have a lot of support at the church here where I attend. I think being a minister in the USA will have challenges. There is a lot of worldly thinking. I think there are also a lot of Christians that still want to walk the fence. I’d like to help people to remember God in all the aspects of their lives.
This class at Christian Leaders Institute has had a lot of good stuff to teach me. One point is that this is a commitment and I’m not going to be able to get through it in one month. It is going to take a lot of time studying and taking quizzes. The mentor exercises were very helpful and encouraging. I wrote down those 13 questions and my mentor (the preacher here) was kind enough to write down 13 responses, they were encouraging and I can look back at that in the future. I learned a lot about leading too. I want to be a good follower of Jesus and I want to be able to lead others in a close walk with Jesus for themselves.
A pastor is probably the word/role I most identify with because I believe God has called me to preach. I know there is a lot more to pastoring a church and I would want to have good elders to help with that. I took counseling in college when I was younger and think that could be very helpful as well. I think the experience of being saved and brought into the light out of such horrible darkness and deception is the main reason I want to be a minister. I don’t want anyone to remain deceived and I want them to come to God’s love and marvelous light. A big part of my pastor call journey is that I love to preach God’s word. I love Psalms 119, which about how awesome and good God’s word is.
Where I am living, I don’t have internet, so the church gave me a key and let me set up a computer in a room at the church. Now I can drive over there and take classes with Christian Leaders Institute! What a blessing in my life! I believe God is working things out to make this possible for me. I have a great amount of support here. I am very blessed on my pastor call journey.
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