My name is Kim Hawkins from Mahwah, NJ, USA. Called to addiction recovery ministry, I am a student at Christian Leaders Institute (Learn more about studying the Bible and ministry classes online, Click Here).
I live with my husband Curtis and our two cats, Zoe and Zion. Curtis is my second husband. Together, we have seven children. Three of the seven were raised by us. The oldest lives in Florida, the middle is in the Navy stationed in San Diego, and the youngest is in the Air Force stationed in Vermont. We also have five grandchildren: Sebastian (9), Noah (4), Milo (4), Aminah, aka “The Princess” (1), and Zaire (1). We plan to retire this year and relocate to Florida.
I grew up in Connecticut, an only child in a middle-class family. Being an only child had advantages and disadvantages. Yes, I often got whatever I wanted and didn’t have to share. But I was also very lonely. I didn’t have a lot of friends. Either I was constantly “teased” (now called “bullied”) for my glasses or not liked because I had the latest clothes, shoes, music, toys, etc. It caused me always to want people to like me, so I did whatever I could to fit in and be liked.
My mother grew up Baptist and took me to church every Sunday. I served on the youth usher board, the youth choir, and the youth missionary team. I wasn’t baptized as a child and didn’t know who God was. There was no relationship with God, just religion. I learned to do what I should do in church and at home. I got good grades, was respectful, and followed the rules to hide my drug usage.
My Addiction Journey
I continued hiding when I left home for college. But, I did not finish college and couldn’t keep a job. However, I never attributed this behavior to my drug usage. Of course, the drug usage progressed over the years, and so did the type of drug I used. I married someone I knew for only ten days and later found out he was also a user. We relocated because of our addictions but eventually had to return to Connecticut to my parents because of the habit.
We lost two children to ectopic pregnancies, and then our addiction heightened. I later became pregnant with my oldest son after being told I would never have children. Any average person would have been excited and rejoiced over the miracle. Not me. I was angry and annoyed. Because I had to stop using drugs. A year later, I was pregnant with my second son. This time I could not stop using it. I used my entire pregnancy. However, by the grace of God, he was drug-free at birth. Soon after, my husband left, and we divorced.
Freedom In Christ Jesus
I went to rehab twice after he left but could not stay clean. I hated myself, burdened with guilt because I loved my children. However, they weren’t enough for me to stop using them. I was in so much emotional pain, despair, and hopelessness. I wanted to end my life. The night I was planning to attempt suicide, I received a phone call from a friend of a friend. He told me that the Holy Spirit had told him to call me. He ended up talking to me for hours. The next day, I went to a two-day detox and then an outpatient program for women with a daycare program. I was in this program for over a year. During that year, I attended meetings every day, sometimes 2-3 times a day.
Also, during this time, I longed to be back in the church. I found a Bible-based church and began to know and acknowledge that my higher power was my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Now, I had a relationship with Him. I began to see how He was always there, working in my life even when I was using. The Word of God began to speak to my life. Living life on life’s terms, according to the program, began to mean something entirely different to me. Therefore, I stopped going to meetings.
My Calling Journey
I went through a period where I felt God would not leave me alone. Many told me that God was calling me to addiction recovery ministry. God would wake me up in the middle of the night. I felt this pull, sensing He was calling me. However, I felt unworthy of God to use me. I would think something or read something or hear something in the Spirit. God would confirm that it was He. He was training me to listen to Him and be sure it was Him.
I also heard the Pastor say that those called by God love God’s Word. However, as much as I loved God, I thought I didn’t have that. I wasn’t obedient to everything in the Bible. I didn’t want to be in God’s Word all the time. Therefore, I discounted myself. I ran for a long time, but God kept drawing and calling me.
Finding Christian Leaders
I have been at my job at the college for 19 years. Our Counseling Department received a grant to start a recovery program a few months ago. They asked me to share my story. God’s timing is truly amazing because I spoke one week before I celebrated 30 years of being delivered from cocaine and crack. Then I realized that this was my ministry. God told me that I needed education in addiction recovery ministry for this calling. So, I began searching online for Christian programs for recovery. I found Christian Leaders. It is not a coincidence that I am here at Christian Leaders Institute for addiction recovery ministry training. It is God’s divine plan and will for my life.
Like the Apostle Paul, I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes. Instead, I walk in the confidence, humility, and power of my Lord and Savior. I am his mouthpiece, a humble and willing vessel.
Register a Study Account
Register for a free study account that automatically enrolls you in the Getting Started Class at the Christian Leaders Learning Platform. The Getting Started class will take you less than an hour to complete.
When you log in to the Learning Platform, you will notice that the Getting Started Class automatically appears on your dashboard.
The Getting Started Class will orientate you to the Christian Leaders Learning Platform and the Programs offered, including:
- Ministry Awards, Certificates, and Diplomas with the Christian Leaders Institute.
- College Degrees with the CLI’s Leadership Excellence School.
- Minister Credentialling (Ordination) with the Christian Leaders Alliance, including local Soul Center registration possibilities.
Note: You can enroll in tuition-free courses or mini-courses immediately without finishing the getting started class.
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